crush

Hey guys...I wrote the following post almost a week ago and sat on it for a while. Posting it just made it more real and frightening, but I think the following situation is kind of passing now so I'll stop being a wanker and share the story.

So I don't know how it happened. In fact, I don't want it to happen. It just happened. Somehow or other, it just bloody happened. I formed a little crush. Now normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal right? Crushes are normal. Crushes are a part of life. Crushes are how you end up with someone, deciding if there is any potential, and going from there. However, I'm sure 90% of you can relate to this, crushes are not a good thing if you're a gay man...and your crush is a straight one.

Now, I'm so freaked out by all of this. I've never really had a man crush before. Sure, I've thought some of my friends or acquaintances were hot, but never really thought anything more of it. Now that I'm out to all of you though I seem to have a thing for a friend of a friend. The crush and I have been getting kind of close in recent months in a totally platonic way. If I was to describe to you my type of guy, he would look nothing like the crush. The crush is super skinny and very young looking. The guy I'm used to fantasizing about is 5'8'' or so, a little muscular (but not over the top) with great cheekbones :), can hold a conversation and keep me laughing. Simple enough, right?

So what happened is I woke up one morning about a month ago and realized that the crush can hold a conversation and keeps me laughing! He's very witty and sarcastic and that is a huge turn on to me. I LOVE sarcasm..does that make me more gay??? I dunno. Can I be attracted to a man based purely on personality, and then become even more attracted to him based on his looks? It's funny when you think of who your dream guy would be, and then realize they are nothing like the one you end up 'falling' for.

Anyway, I think this crush might be passing, although in the back of my mind I think said crush is closeted (but who the fuck really knows) which still gives me hope. I know this is a slippery slope for me if I continue to hang out with him, but I'm willing to risk it for now. Do any of you have straight crush stories? Would love to hear them?

Total number of times I said crush in this post: a lot.