"A change would do you good..."

I hate change. Quite simply I just don't deal well with it. I think this is why I can't bite the bullet and make that first step to coming out(whatever that is). I think I know who I am and who I want to be, and I also know that something has to change for me to get there, but I just can't make myself do anything about it. I think that telling my twin sister would be the first step for me, and then my best friend, and then maybe my gay friend I was talking about earlier, but that would mean something changing. And after the first step, what happens next? Not knowing what will happen with change is the worst part and I'm not sure I can handle what comes next.

I'm turning 25 soon and I know something has to change or I will forever be a very unhappy person. But how do you live straight for so long and then tell the world you're someone else. Ugh! I guess the only solution is to get incredibly drunk with my friends on New Years and not worry about all this for a few days.:) In about 12 hours, five of my friends and myself are going away for New Years and I'm super excited for that. Hopefully next year will have a lot of firsts for me...here's to hoping...and here's to doing (did I exude confidence there or what?)

B

ps. Christmas was a lot of fun...a lot of quality time with the family. Nothing really to report so I will leave it at that. Happy New Year!:)